Throughout my ten years of training in Karate I have seen or heard of parents being too controlling of their children in Karate. This occurence is not only in Karate or any Martial Art that parents enroll their students into, it is also in recreational sports such as hockey, baseball, gymnastics all across the board. Especially in the field of performing arts such as acting, music, kiddies version of beauty pageants. I do remember hearing about a reality show about little girls not even in their teens being in a beauty contest and their mothers are being too controlling on their daughters, forcing them to go through such rigors from strict dieting and putting so much make-up on. Parents who keep pushing their children too hard in anything can discourage them from doing something that they have loved, or lead children too destructive means by simply being overly competitive. What children go through is hell, and their childhood can be extraordinary but also abnormal due to the parents pushing their children too much, I don't know if its for an everlasting financial security, therefore it is for their own good, or is it for the financial gain of the parents.
I remember doing some acting at a summer camp, and doing a few Christmas pagaent plays at a church I attended when I was kid, and I don't even recall having my parents forcing me into it, or putting high expectations on me to be the best actor that they ever hope to be. My dad was into the dramatic arts in his youth. I was never forced to follow in my dad's footsteps; never in my life I have been told that I have lots of shoes to fill. I did what I loved for a while. I was blessed to have a good childhood, which was never taken for granted. I was never treated #1 or #2 or lower, me and my siblings were loved equally. These days, or maybe for a number of years, parents who have multiple children can treat the eldest, the middle child, or the youngest child as #1 and the other as #2, although I wouldn't say #2 and I would say as the one who is overlooked, and all the expectations are put on the shoulders of the #1 son or daughter, and this is so tragic. In my opinion, in the long run it can cause a family dysfunction. The prime example of this is that your child gets the straight As in school while the other child tends to be coming up short the mother or father loved the child with the straight As more than the other child that is the struggling B or C student. When parents force their children to get better in any activity they do and put so much expectations on the child will suffer from psychological abuse. The child can be in so much under pressure to live up to expectations that are placed before them.
There can be so much drama in Martial Arts tournaments when parents can act like coaches and so many judges don't like that. I constantly end up hearing like, "Come on Timmy throw that kick in, score that point" and so on and so on. It can get so annoying that tournament promoters say before the tournament starts, "There will absolutely be no coaching at ringside from parents." I have been reminded a few times that Karate parents can come up to you and complain about unfair calls from the judges and so forth, or get accused of playing favourites. Thank God I did not have any yet, but I may have my day of hell. For those who run and managae a Martial Arts school can get complaints from parents about their child getting board of the training, not training hard or putting pressure on the Sensei or Sifu about putting their son or daughter into the grading to get a new belt rank, whether or not he or she is ready can be a fine line between do as the parents wish in order to keep the students long and hopefully make it to black belt or for the Sensei to put their foot down and explain to them the reason why he or she is not putting their best effort in classes or why he or she not ready yet to grade. For those black belts that wanted to own and manage their own school should think long and hard about it. It's not easy to run a Martial Arts school. It is not only obtaining knowledge of your art, it's also about inter-personal communication skills in order to handle these situations to the best of your ability along with being business savvy, and making and distributing flyers in order to draw in clients. Beware or be ready to confront the hot headed Karate mom/coach. It doesn't matter if the mom or dad ever donned a gi (uniform), walked into the dojo and trained for a long period of time or haven't took any Martial Arts at all.
The subject I write about is primarily about the Martial Arts world, but this is also for those parents who have children in any activity they are enrolled in. It is time to stop playing the parenting coach, it is time to stop putting psychological torment on your children, it is time to stop putting one child on a high pedestal and treating the other that he or she is worth nothing in life. The creator of the universe has called you to be a parent to your children not a heartless coach to your children, for we must put the positive frequency into our children in order to encourage them to pursue in anything they are passionate in what they are doing. They shall grow in time to be confident, to have integrity and to have honesty to others in the world. If you plant a seed in the ground, the plant would not grow overnight, it takes time, proper care and nutrients to let the plant grow. Now that's how parents got to be to their children, loving, caring and supportive.
Recommended Article:
How to be a Good Karate Parent be Jesse Enkamp
http://www.karatebyjesse.com/how-to-be-good-karate-parent-secret/
Ma'at Hotep,
Jonathan
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